Letters of Address~Just Because

To My Best Friend from Governor's School,

I know you don't read this. But I'm writing tonight and relaxing and decided to blog. SO, I just wanted to say that I really am soo glad that we met again at Bama, because even though you get on my nerves ( and i get on yours) you really are the person that I talk to about almost everything ( except about sex, cuz your my bro! and that'd be weird :])Anyways, you put up with all my craziness and I love you for that! You've helped me realize what I need to look for in a boy. And I'm so glad to be on this forensics journey with you!

To My Sister,

You don't read this either. NEWSFLASH: NO ONE DOES. HAHA. But anyways, I know that there was a rough patch when you were a lot younger and I wasnt around alot. But our friendship and the fact that we are sisters, means so much more than I could ever express to you. I love calling you my sister. You are beautiful, smart, and just a good person. You remind me so much of myself but you are definitely your own person. Can't wait until we can take that trip to Italy together. ROLL TIDE! :]

To EH,

When we first met, you were young and I wasnt sure what to make of you. But I love you now as if you were blood. I don't like to use the term 'step' because just like C..you are my brother, plain and simple. I love taking pictures with you and modeling! you are so much fun! And Smart, man o man. You impress me so much. I'm looking forward to watching you grow up :]

To David Chase,

You are in a weird stage where you dont talk to me much and you dont like your picture being taken,ect. But I love ya. I probably get on your nerves alot, doing what big sisters do, but it's all in good fun. Ever since we were little, we have always been able to relate really well. I love that about us. Love you!

To my team,

I am so blessed to just be in the same room with you guys, to be competing in the same competition with you. The talent is amazing and awe-inspiring. You guys literally bring tears to my eyes when you perform or give a speech, because you are SO good and I'm so proud to be on your team. Thank you for accepting me, and encouraging me. You are my heart.

To XA

I talk alot about XA on here, because it was the first place that really truly welcomed me at UA and made me feel at home. I wont ever forget that. I know im in the right place with you all, and on the right path. You teach me how to be a better person, and Im blessed to have u guys in my life.

uuuum this is starting to feel like a suicide note or going away letter. weird. I didnt mean it like that. I'm just bored and feel like writing and organizing my thoughts and all that jazz. So UM, yeah. :]

Silence

It is stronger, sometimes, than words can be.

I wonder why it is that some people find taking hints difficult. For example, when you are trying to keep your distance from someone and you don't initiate conversations with them or contact with them, why is it that they insist on keeping contact with you? Do they not understand that you are pretty tired of their bullshit and the 'friendship' is lame and isn't worth keeping because, oh, well..thats funny..you really...in most definitions..arent..friends.anyway. Just curious? I really know the answer..but it still gets me everytime.

Another pet peeve. Facebook statuses. I love my friends. But is it really necessary to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend through your status..talk about fights.. give subtle hints about whats going on in your relationship or how in loooove you are (I just wanna throw up in my mouth a litttle everytime i read one of those) I mean, yeah, i'm being a little down on this whole love stuff. But there are lots of people that love their bf/gf without exclaiming it every day on Facebook. I looooove those people. They are my heroes.

Yet another pet peeve? E LEARNING. It's down and I wanna get this test out of the way.

Just so this post isnt completely negative. I love Forensics. LOVE my team, they are my heart, and I love them. I think im more happy this year than I can ever remember being. Classes are giving me trouble though, gotta pick that up. We leave for competition next friday..soooo excited about that...but gah I've got SO much work to do before then.

Strongly believe that once you close one door, another opens. But Door A has to be completely closed first. Does that make sense? Good. :]



Love!!


-Jess :]

Nervous/anxious/worried/expectant

I am about to leave to go to the first day of the forensics workshop. I am so nervous. I am officially back in Tuscaloosa, in my new room. I'm super happy with my roommates and my room looks decent but I am SOOO nervous about forensics. Probably because I have been anticiapting it all summer and all last semester. I really hope i enjoy it and I am good at it. I also hope they like me ( I know, but i do!) I am always nervous on the first days of pretty much everything. Its probably because I dont like the unknown. And I am definitely ready to move the unknown into the known realm. Keep me in your prayers.

Girly, Childish, Awesome things

I came across a live BSB concert today online. It was in London. The 02 Arena, and there were TONS of people. I cant put into words how much I love the Backstreet Boys, and how nostalgic it was watching them perform. YOU GUYS, they danced! It was sooo cool. I sat there and sang along..snapped my fingers,, hollered at the computer screen. It. was. Grand. Heh. Theres something about listening to the music and artists that you grew up with that just feels great. And to know that they are still around, still making music, still doing what they love ( minus one)..is just soo awesome. And when they sang 'Backstreets Back'..well..all i have to say is HECK YES. Haha, so i might be going to one of their concerts in Atlanta in mid-August. We will see. I wish people actually read my blog. Because I want to know who YOUR BSB was.... I know im not the only one..

Awakening

So a couple of days ago, I was reminded of how much I miss acting and performing. There were a couple things that reminded me 1) running blocking for Brie 2)watching "A Guide to Recognizing your Saints 3) hearing Megan Fox talking about filming Transformers 2. So I started thinking, " Man I wish I was doing that, that is freakin awesome." And, ofcourse, my thinking process began...and it hasnt stopped. I've been thinking about what really makes me happy..and fulfilled. There are several things Im interested in--but, man, Acting and Performing is right up there at the top. And, in many ways, I feel like it is so out of my reach..to be succesfull in that industry. But, then again, I feel like its part of me. And then, part of me feels like a typical sell out..because you know there is a crazy number of people that wants to run away to LA and become a star. But I dont really want to be a star. I just want to act..and be respected for what I do. Because when it comes down to it...I am the most happy when I am working with actors and performing. It just feels like home. Feels natural. And Im definitely not the best, and have much improving to do. But I enjoy it. And I dont want to go through my whole life regretting that i didnt give it a shot. So I've decided that after I graduate from Alabama, I am going to move to La for an equivalent of a semester. Hopefully, I can enroll in a graduate program there and audition in my spare time,,, or just see if theres anywhere I could fit in there. Give it a shot, theres not harm in that, right? I dont want to do it so I can go to cool Clubs ( I am not a partier) and Im not interested in becomming stick thin or getting plastic surgery. I AM interested in using whatever skills God has given me to their potential.

So as most of these thoughts were running through my head, I happen to have an unexpected conversation with a friend I worked with in a previous show, and randomly, she told me that if acting is what I wanted to do..i Should go for it--no matter what. Sign? Possibly, yes? Im not sure if acting is the 'end all be all' for me..but i love it..i love movies..i love performance.. I admire the effect that film has on society and people...and just how exciting and fun it seems to be! So..here goes..in Fall 2011, Im gonna give it a shot.

A Good Year

This is my last night in Tuscaloosa for about 3 months. I cant believe the year is over already. It really does, in retrospect,it seems like my mom and dad just dropped me off not too long ago. I started out coming to Ttown because I had no where else to go. My top 2 schools
didnt accept me. I wasnt going to school in Huntsville, so that left the U of A. I came down here with many stereotypes..that i hoped werent true. And the truth is..most of them were true. But it was the things that I didnt expect that made me really love this university. Like how most of the boys down here are Southern Gentlemen..holding the door open for you, asking if you need help carrying bags..that kind of thing. I LOVED that.

**sidenote** its completely white outside its raining so hard! SWEET! (kinda reminds me of "The Mist" though :[ )

Anyways, back on topic, another thing I love about Alabama is how everything is taken care of..the grounds (the flowers here are take your breath away beautiful!)..all the little things.. the faculty here and the administration really have everything under control. No antics, no controversies..its a nice change from high school.
A lot of people talk about how Bama is so big and that if you come from a small school, you might not like it to much. But I beg to differ. There are so many things to get involved with here that you can find your own niche, and be important there. Also, you can 'get lost in the crowd' every now and then when you feel like it. Oh yeah..and when you are trying to avoid someone.. a big university helps ya out.
Sometimes I think about how if I were at a more prestigious school, I would have more opportunities. But then I realize that everyone has there own path--this is mine. I can make my opportunities happen--whatever I want. The trick is figuring out what I want. I have officially picked my majors: Political Science and Communication Studies. I am also minoring in Italian. I am on the Forensics Team ( though specifics arent known) and I work for the Campus radio station doing political updates. I got a job at Coldstone this semester, and I attend Chi Alpha every weeek. Things are good. I've managed to grow in so many areas and all of those activities have helped in there own way. Not to mention the people that I've met. It proves that not everybody at UA is getting drunk on the weekends at a frat party. I am thankful for that.

And, oh yeah, the football is pretty cool too. Ha.

I am ready to be home for the summer though, no matter how much I am going to miss being here, I am looking forward to Huntsville. Being away makes you appreciate home.

This summer I am promising myself a few things:
1) lose weight-because i have the freshman-15-30 haha
2)Stay out of trouble by:
-Getting a Job
-Working at Lee
-Having a good time with my buddies :] And Family, ofcourse!

There, it is official.

;]

Something Holy

I feel as if I have this sense about me recently that helps me manage and understand my thoughts.Call it the Holy Spirit, call it whatever.Things that used to befuddle me in the past, are tending to become much more clear. This is a really good thing. I talked in one of my other entries about how I love when things are clear-when i dont overanalyze situations or ideas-i just know. I love that. This school year is coming to an end. As I was telling my friend today at lunch, I really feel like i have learned so much this year. I've learned SO much about life...

So here is a little advice that I would give my sister and any other girl:

1) Don't settle for a boy that is not willing to make you a priority
2) Never give in, thinking that when you give in you will get what you want.
3) There ARE good guys out there. And you CAN be attracted to them.
4) Spirituality is necessary.
5)Persist in getting what you want. And believe you can achieve it, and you will.
6)Date the guy that is a gentlemen, not the asshole.
7)True friends have your best interest at heart. They will not intentially hurt you, gossip about you, or treat you disrespect. The mark of a true friend is being able to walk away from them and KNOW that they are not speaking one harsh word about you.
8)Get a job, it teaches you so much about how to be a better person, and how to appreciate people. It also makes you appreciate your spare time. Shopping money doesnt hurt either.
9)I've discovered that i can be a very judgemental, negative person..especially when it comes to myself. This is something I am trying to change, because it is not good. Be POSITIVE.


~I have the feeling for the first time EVER that I will find somebody. He is out there. I really dont have to worry about that. It is just a matter of When.

~Another word of advice, it is helpful to not use analogies. Just because no one has done it, does not mean it can't be done.

I have an Italian Final tomorrow :[

Pray.